By Dr. Janeen J. Detrick
I used to think that everything that happened that wasn’t good was my fault. I used to think that if I had tried harder or been better, it wouldn’t have happened. I used to accept that what my parents told me was true, that I was lazy; I was a dreamer, the absent minded one. “Could have been better” and “it would be better if” were terms that were used about everything I did. So I tried harder and worked harder and tried to “look at your sister, she does everything right”. I believed them, and it didn’t really matter how hard I tried it was still “not enough”, so I began to accept that about myself; I was just not enough. I forgive my parents for teaching me in this way. I realize that they wanted a good life for me and loved me. They wanted the best for all their children and worked steadfastly to help us in the way they thought best. I appreciate all that they did for me and I forgive any and all errors of judgment on their part. I also forgive myself for believing and accepting the idea that I was not good enough. I believed that when people got upset it was something that I had caused by something I said or did and I needed to be punished so I punished myself by denying myself what I wanted. I was taught to believe that sacrificing what you wanted so someone else could be happy was good. I denied myself what I really wanted and gave it to someone else who I believed to be more deserving than myself. I fully and freely forgive my parents for parenting in this way. I had a willing and giving nature and they used that to placate other family members with a churlish nature. Still, I forgive my parents and all the other members of my family for their mistaken beliefs and I love and forgive myself for believing all of this. I realize now that I am enough, have always been enough. I am so grateful that this is true. I rejoice daily in my own nature as a full and complete being, patterned after the Divine. I am enough in every area of my life. My heart and mind are filled to overflowing with gratitude for who I am. The underlying false belief was that I wasn’t enough, didn’t have what it takes, whatever it takes to Have, DO and Be what my heart desired, all based on an error of belief; a lie about myself and my creator. The good thing about a lie is that as soon as it is seen as a lie, it has no more power. I now see the truth of my being. I now see that my level of deserving depends on this (this is the Divine speaking). “Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honorable and i have loved thee,” Isa. 43: 4. Moffat translates it this way, “So precious are you to me, so honored, so loved”. This is what determines the level of my deserving, and it is enough! I am enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is done.
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