By Dr. Janeen J. Detrick
I used to believe that I can’t have enough supply because I don’t deserve it unless I do things right and well. I have to earn my blessings. I used to think that I was not worthy of money or presents or anything that would cost money, time or effort from other people. I used to think I was not worthy of play, rest and enjoy myself and that I had to work hard for money, harder than I would ever be able to. I used to believe that the only time I could have a rest was when I was sick. I used to think I have to earn my health.
I believed this because I believed that all I see is all there is.
I used to think this way because of what my parents told me. Even though my father actually had quite a bit of money he never gave presents or gifts, not even for birthdays or Christmas. After my parents divorced, my mom worked all the time, but was still complaining of never having any money. If I ever asked for something that would cost my parents time or effort they only asked me not to bother them. My parents also often said, when I asked them for something: Do you really think you deserve that???
When it comes to rest and enjoyment, my mother would not allow that for me.
I had to look busy all the time in order to be left from her demands. I tried to compensate that by be a really, really, good girls so that I sometimes could get away anyway, but I would always be banned for having escaped. I was steeling time to a high cost.
I felt a lot of shame because I saw other children getting presents and play just for fun and since I didn’t and couldn’t, I thought I must have done something wrong, which made me feel shame and guilt.
When I grew up I met people who said that I had to watch what I eat in order to not get sick, like no sugar, no milk products, etc. I then thought I would get sick if I wasn’t very strict with my diet.
Throughout my life I have been chasing time, energy, money, attention, sleep, and health. I always felt that happiness was only for other people and felt shame and guilt for wanting it for me. These desires and believing at the same time I wasn’t worthy of it, has caused me tremendously inner conflicts and inner pain.
I understand now, that it was only my interpretations of experiences that I had as a child. My parents had no clue about how to do it other way. It was an act from their understanding at that time. I understand that they were only acting from their point of view and from their wounds. They didn’t understand better. I know now, they only wanted the best for me and they did the best they could.
I now deeply and completely forgive myself for having had these ideas about supplies. I deeply and completely forgive my parents for having taught me this. I release the guilt, anger, resentments that I have been holding inside of me towards them. I release all shame and guilt I have been holding inside of me, towards myself over not being worthy of supplies.
I deeply and completely forgive myself for having bought into it. I realize that it can’t hurt me unless within me are the seeds of agreeing with it. I completely forgive myself for having believed it!!
I now realize that I am a child of God and being that, I don’t need to deserve anything!! I can just desire anything and have it! I now know that if I have a wish, it is because God put it in my heart to desire it!
I can have all love, time, energy, money, friends, enjoyments I want! Just because I am. I understand now that everybody gets what they want, not only me. It can happen, because what we think of and desire, the Universe will create, it is a Universal law!! Energy follows thoughts!! This Universal law works whether I believe in it or not. It just is.
I deeply and completely love and accept myself even though I held on to this for so long! I forgive myself for not having learned this earlier!
I am so proud of myself for realizing that I actually have all the love, health, sleep, time, energy, money, friends, enjoyments, rest, well all supplies I need, all the time and as much as I want!!!
I now know that since I am a child of God, I have all the love, family, time, energy money, health, well, all supplies that I can ever need, because it wouldn’t make sense that God didn’t give us all we that need and desire! I know that in order for me to have what I desire, universe will reconstruct itself so that I have it.
I now get everything done in no time, so that there is plenty of time for play, family, creativity and resting.
Thank you self, for forgiving me for not having learned this earlier. I love you, self. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
It is done!
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