Eight methods that all involve raising questions!
By Janeen Detrick
Empower (and protect!) yourself with exact phrases to say when people are being negative around you, or to (or AT!) you! Remember that you matter, and reverencing yourself as much as you reverence them…..means that you will say something, but it won’t be either an attack, OR a defense!
1. I can see you’re really upset. What do you think will make you feel better? Can you describe it to me?
2. After you’ve explained how you are feeling to them, so that you can be “heard”, if they start hurling insults and “you language”, just say, “I understand. I know that’s how you see it.” Over and over like a broken record.
3. “That’s an interesting perspective. Let’s brainstorm all the ways that other people might see it. It might broaden the perspective.”
4. When a person is being obstinate, ask them questions that challenge their way of thinking, but indirectly, and that require a “no” answer, which is an energetic match to where they are at. “Is that the only way it could work?” “Does everybody see it the same way you do?” “ Is that the only solution?” Then, lead into the “Yes”; “” What
5. To assist people in laying down resistance, ASK, don’t TELL. This series of five questions is created on the neuron-psychology of vacillating the answers between positive answers and negative answers, so as to release the stuck energy on whatever is causing the resistance. That, together with the “negative positive” tag phrases on the end of the last three questions, cause the person to not feel threatened, but lead to a positive response. This is used in sales closings all the time, and in hypnotic writing!
Asking questions overcomes resistance. (This is just an example: The questions have to be appropriate to the enario being resisted.)
1. What if this totally set me free? (Doing whatever you’re resistant to?)
2. Who’s gonna know anyway?
3. It could be life changing, couldn’t it?
4. It really can’t hurt anything, can it?
5. You really hope it works, don’t you?
Consider the power of questions that start with “If”, then add a negative positive tag phrase:
6. If__ _______, wouldn’t it?
7. If________________, that would make you happy, couldn’t it? (Isn’t it? Didn’t it?)
6. Prepare a list of at least 10 questions that you can ask to help them do the “turn around”. Who? What? When? Why? Where? “How”? One of the things that this does is confuse the completion of the synapse, and disengages the person’s ability to connect a thought to a phrase, so they can no longer speak!
How would it be if it weren’t like this?
Where would you like it to end up?
What do you wish would happen?
Why do you think that’s the way it is?
What if not everything seems o be way?
Who would you be if you didn’t see it that way?
7. Now, try asking very confusing questions! The negative energy will completely dissipate, because their synapse can’t complete!
Why isn’t it wrong to think like you want other people to think?
If I got everything I wanted you to get it would be the end of the world, wouldn’t it?
What portion of how I see it would change your mind and make you really happy with it?
Who told you that I can’t be happy with more of what you want?
When could you be happy with 100% of what you think I said?
So, if I understood you correctly, you think we can be happy with 100% of what they said you want?
So, 50% of what you said you want is 100% of what I think you said they want?
When did 100% of what you thought they said I want become 100% of what you actually want?
What if 100% of what you thought they said I want becomes100% of what you actually want?
Would it be easier for you to feel happy if I embraced 100% of what you thought they wanted me to embrace?
Could you feel happy if 100% of the people you think thought that way were thinking your thoughts of them were right?
What if that way of thinking were validated by 100% of the people in favor of it?
If you and I wanted to solve this, would it work?
What if what mattered were that the perspective you hold is actually the perspective they hold? (or I hold, depending on the situation).
8. Posture it so that now that the negative person is quietly confused, kindly imply that you would like to schedule a time to get together later after you’ve each written down key points of what you’d like. “Since we’ve had time to express our thoughts,
Why don’t we write down what we’d each like, then meet again tomorrow at the same time?”
Notice, then, with questions, how YOU are completely in control of the conversation!
No comments yet.