In psychology terms, self sabotaging thoughts are called “ruminating”. Another definition found in the dictionary for “ruminating” is described as “a cow chewing his cud is ruminating.” EEEK! That’s an ugly word picture, but it perfectly describes how it feels to constantly re-play negative thoughts about yourself in your head, doesn’t it?
Self sabotaging thoughts sounds like “What if I’m too old to learn the internet marketing that it will take to make this business a success?” “What if I’m too dumb?” “What if people laugh at me?” “What if the business doesn’t make any money?”
Notice that all of these self sabotaging thoughts take your thoughts in a spiral downward.
People have a tendency to look outside themselves for an outside source upon which to blame their tendency to think negative thoughts about themselves. They blame their parents. Or the fact that they didn’t have parents! They blame some abuse they suffered. Funny thing is, all of these places to place blame are based on the assumption that all people in all families will be “perfect”, whatever that means anyway! It’s like expecting your marriage to be as romantic as all those soap opera marriages are!
They are based on a stereotypical idea that families have a smart, trained, talented provider Dad, a personally fulfilled, emotionally evolved, energetic Mom, two or more perfect kids who never exercise name calling, never desire to do anything roudy or potentially hurtful, always perfectly control their sex drives, and have basically all evolved past ever needing to learn anything! Good grief! THAT only exists in the movies, Folks! YOU don’t even stand up against that kind of scrutiny!
The unrealistic expectation that your parents were supposed to know how to raise kids has made you mad at them that they didn’t know how!
You have expectations that aren’t serving you. You think you shouldn’t have been an orphan. You think you shouldn’t have been raped. You think you shouldn’t have had to raise your little brothers. Why? Why do you think that? Who said? Maybe that is exactly the way it is supposed to be! At least, for you, not necessarily everybody, but for you, whatever your situation was, I submit to you that it NEEDED to be that way, for you to learn what you needed to learn!
Nothing bad happened!
At the very least, ….IF you choose to think this way, You will not have the unrealistic expectations that cause you to think you got GYPT in your childhood!
Of course there is such a thing as being an actual victim, however, separate that from feeling like a victim. Even when a woman, for example, is raped, would it serve her to sit down in a corner for the rest of her life and suck her thumb and complain that she had been victimized? No! She IS a victim, but allowing herself to feel like a victim, would not serve her!
Please consider for a moment the REAL REASON that you self sabotage; You agreed with what “they” said about you. If “they” called you stupid, it would not have hurt your feelings, unless you agreed with them! So, the real problem is not that other people shared their perspective with you in a rather nasty way, but that you bought into it! SO….Forgive yourself for having agreed with it…Love yourself, even though you used to believe that you were stupid (or whatever it was)…Tell yourself that you are sorry for having previously agreed that you were stupid…and then accept your own forgiveness….and tell yourself, “Thank you!” Thank yourself for forgiving yourself for having previously believed that you were stupid.
No outside blame; Own responsibility for having bought into it. THEN, make a new decision about yourself! Write a list of everything good about you; I’m reliable; I’m kind; I have a strong work ethic; I’m honest; I am slow in some areas, and acceptably pleasing in other areas; I’m thoughtful of others; I’m generous, etc.
Start using “What if up” thinking; “What if this business makes me rich!” “What if my Dad would have loved himself?” “What if I hire someone to do that internet marketing for me, so I have more time to do something else?” “What if it does work?”
Separate your value as a human being from what you produce, or do. Then, you’ll never be afraid to try new things, because you know that it doesn’t really matter if it doesn’t work out; You were just learning something new! You are NOT the sum total of what you choose; You are only the sum total of what you choose to feel!
Choose to feel that nothing bad is happening. There is literally never a stressful situation, if you don’t frame it as being stressful!
The way you are framing things, thinking about things, seeing things.. is the only thing that gives them meaning.
AND..the meaning you give to the “problems” in your life….IS the negative energy inside you that attracted that problem to you!
Choose a different meaning to the events you experience!
When you aren’t framing it as being bad…then…it won’t be bad! And when you aren’t framing it as bad….there will be no negative energy inside of you on that issue! And when there’s no negative energy inside of you….YOU CAN’T ATTRACT ANYTHING NEGATIVE!
It’s magic!
Janeen Detrick
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