I could simply say, “Start saying ‘No.” when from your heart, you really don’t want to do what you are being asked to do.’” However, I will expound a bit!
When you say “Yes”, when your heart feels “No”, you are actually disrespecting your own internal guidance system, and that is NOT LOVE. It isn’t loving to the other person, either, because perhaps the reason they attracted YOU into their life is that they needed to learn to say, “no.”, and it is perhaps your job to teach them that through example. What if you had a sacred contract with them, from before you ever got to this life, to teach them that? Perhaps they showed up in your life to teach you to respect yourself to stand up for yourself!
There are four scenarios of saying no that we’ll address:
1. Say, “No” when what is being asked of you does not move your life mission forward.
2. Questions to ask yourself about the relationship when you realize that the other person is chronically saying “No” to you. A) “What’s right about that person standing in their power that I’m not getting?” B) “Is it possible that I should let this relationship fall away, as it appears we have different goals?”
3. Saying “Yes” when it enables the other person to stay in their weakness, is called “enabling”. This is not motivated by love for them or for yourself, because enabling their weakness is actually a disrespect of them! It says, in effect, “I don’t believe you can rise to the occasion and do it yourself! If I don’t bail you out, you’ll flop.” Saying yes to them, chronically, prevents them from learning the life skills necessary to become all they are meant to become.
4. Consider also the scenario in which a person may chronically say , “No” out of fear of trying anything new, or out of mere convenience to themselves. For example, the parent who simply doesn’t want to take the child to that birthday party, so they always say “No”. That has nothing to do with love, and everything to do with selfishness!
The importance of learning when and how to respectfully say “No” can’t be underestimated! It also gives “teeth” to when you say “Yes”! You gain a reputation for being a person of integrity, who comes through on your commitments.
Say “No”, when appropriate, and BE FREE!
by Dr. Janeen J. Detrick
When my kids were growing up, I made the mistake of often saying no to them hanging out with kids I deemed as bad kids;
when they grew to be adults they all connected with people I classified as the wrong crowd
today I feel that one or more of my kids does’nt like me for it .was I the villain or just a concerned parent?