Perspective Flipping

There are only three things we can change:
1. The word pictures we use to describe things.
2. Our perspective.
3. Our procedures.

The purposes of this article, let’s consider the second one; Perspective Flipping: Seeing things from the perspective of Others.

Accept this truth: Everything I see is only partially correct, as mine is only one of the myriad of perspectives there might be on any subject!

When two people are upset, they are not seeing one another’s perspectives.
To repair the “rift”, allow yourself to hear the other person’s perspective without interrupting them, or interjecting commentary about how you see it! Allow them to explain it to you.

Even criticism doesn’t sting when you see it as just another perspective you can consider! That helps us grow! If we only see things from our own perspective, we have a very narrow viewpoint, don’t we?!

How do you see things from someone else’s perspective?

1. Never overlook the obvious; Ask them! “I’d really like to understand your perspective. Can you explain it to me?”
2. Try to imagine what pressure they are under. Is the management trying to cut the budget, so this is their response?
3. Try to imagine how you might feel if you had been in their situation, and if you had had their past experiences.
4. Lay down the ego’s need to be “right”.

In Proverbs, it teaches to “find a way to agree”, and also that “a soft answer turns away wrath.” Finding a way to agree is not the same as actually agreeing! How can you find a way to agree, without groveling, or admitting that you’re wrong? One way is to say, “Do I understand you to mean that____(and then repeat back what they have said to you, in your own words)_______________?” Resist the urge to tell them YOUR perspective at this point. Just listen and understand them.

Notice that using a soft tone of voice implies that you are staying in the conversation, even if the other person is angry! It implies that you do NOT just walk away and stop the conversation! THAT is a sure way to stir even more angry feelings in the other person. If you cannot stay calm and rational yourself, you may, however, tell the other person that you need a time out to collect yourself, and ask permission to resume this conversation in 15 minutes or so. But be sure that you do come back in that promised 15 minutes….filled with love and willingness to hear the other person out! Otherwise, you are actually exercising “intimacy avoidance”, and no genuine healing understanding can take place, and you’re no “better” than the person who is angry; Just differently dysfunctional!

When you allow yourself to hear the perspective of the other person, it gives you more information upon which you can base growth. The other person feels “heard”, and then lays down their resistance to you…..and you both end up “winning”!